Optimism personified

Doubts. Uncertainty. Apprehension. Confusion.

Can a 40 year old lady who has never been artistic or crafty ever in her life hope to take up a career in the arts so late in her life?  Can she dive into the amazing world of creative people and hope to survive among the naturals? Can she hope to carve a niche for herself along with people who have dedicated their whole life to the arts?

Again, doubts, uncertainty and apprehension even before the taking the plunge to start a career in the arts.

Is it the age? I wonder aloud. Am I too scared to start something new at this age? But I am much more relaxed and dedicated now more than ever along with the copious amounts of "me" time available at this age, I argue. I am much more stable and grounded with no tension and duties so, I guess it is not the age that might be the center of the problem, I discover.

Maybe it is the change itself, I analyze. Maybe I am not sure about entering into the artistic realm which I have never visited before, I consider. But I enjoy doing this. I know I can't wait to curl up in my favorite chair and turn a fresh sheet and to get lost drawing. I have great fun rushing to the stationery shop to pick up the latest color of the doodle pen. I love that exhilarating feeling that envelops me when I see my finished project. I love this change, I decide.

Then it strikes me. I am afraid of failure. I am scared that I might be no good. I am terrified that people would judge me below average. I am devastated that I might not achieve any heights. I brood. I fret. I am heartbroken.

With a mopey face and heavy heart I head to the career counselling session I had enrolled in previously and leave it even more depressed as the whole session was in Korean and I understood nothing. All the Korean learnt over the three years, down the drain. I chide myself. Wasted time, wasted efforts. I am not as smart as I believed myself to be, I scold myself. Cursing myself, feeling crappy, pessimistic and totally down, I just wait just to say thank you to the speaker, more out of politeness than to connect with her.

She was a smartly dressed lady wearing a pair of black slacks with a crisp white linen blouse. She stylishly accessorized her ensemble by wearing a navy blue scarf with red designs on it which made her look trendy-fun yet formal. Tiny bright earrings and smart formal shoes completed her jaunty looks. Her eyes were highlighted with the effective use of the eyeliner and the rouge on her high cheek bones gave her the healthy, cordial look. She was chatting cheerfully in impeccable English and was very informal, and even invited us to lunch with her. I followed without any choice, wallowing in my sorrow. Playing with my food, still gloomy and lethargic, I happened to hear her say that she was 57 years old. What??!! I had gauged her at max 45. Wrong again, I groaned. She was happily discussing what she wanted to do before her retirement at 65. She had decided that she wanted to become a speech therapist for young children. I jerked up from my grey clouds because I couldn't see the connection between a Korean language teacher and a speech therapist. When someone asked her how she was going to do that she confidently replied that she starts classes in Fall. That was it! That was the spark of inspiration that consumed me. She was optimism personified. She convinced me without even talking to me. She made be believe that I can do anything as long as I find the right avenue and put my efforts and love into it. She indoctrinated me to be optimistic and face the future with confidence. She persuaded me to do what I love to do!

Now I am optimistic about changing my career, excelling at it and trying out new avenues in life and future. And I am optimistic about finding my right home when I have to make the big move from Korea to India. With housing.com/lookup I am sure to find a niche carved just for me!